


Solid (I exist)

by wild_dreamer



Series: Who They Are (ATLA) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Complete, Earthbending & Earthbenders, Emotional Hurt, Friendship, Gen, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25734799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wild_dreamer/pseuds/wild_dreamer
Summary: “Even the separation of the four elements is an illusion.”Or, the one in which I write a character study on Toph, and talk slightly about how she embodies all four elements.
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Sokka, Toph Beifong & The Gaang, Toph Beifong & Toph Beifong's Parents, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Series: Who They Are (ATLA) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866781
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	Solid (I exist)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters and the canonical plot of ATLA do not belong to me. Only my interpretation of the characters and any plot changes belong to me. If you recognize anything, know that I am not trying to plagiarize- I just read a lot of fanfiction, and it is impossible for me to write anything without unconsciously drawing on other writing that I like. (And please, do not repost this anywhere!) 
> 
> A/N: This is my first fic ever, so I hope you all like it. I'd appreciate comments to let me know how I did. Also, I'm still trying to figure out the formatting, so a bunch of parts are supposed to be italicized but aren't, so I'm sorry about any confusion you might feel while reading this. I tried my best to prevent that, though, by using parentheses instead.

Toph has always wanted to scream.

Even at the age of four, she can hear the subdued whispers of her parents in the halls, listen in on the doctor- “There’s nothing I can do”. She feels the soft brush of her mother’s hands over her chubby cheeks as she says she loves her and watches her father’s body uncomfortably shift through the steady earth when he ushers her away from dinner parties. 

__She grows up in the center of misguided attention, she grows up as the eye of her hurricane of debilitating blindness. She grows up straining to be heard, to be seen in the eyes of those who love her._ _

___(They love me, right?) ____ _

____She grows taller and stronger and fiercer and smarter. Her anger grows with her, the soft caress of fragile treatment fanning her flames until the embers of her hidden persona are planted in the back of her mind, ready to be uprooted at will._ _ _ _

____Toph waits- _careful _\- and waits, tastes the oppression of her family on her small tongue which is coiled with venomous words and harsh truths still not ready to be heard. Still forming into the blazing inferno they are meant to be.___ _ _ _

______As she stomps forward- be quiet, they say- her blood warms, and _gently _so as not to offend she asks to go outside.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“I want to play with other kids.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But Toph’s question sounds like a statement, a demand. One which will not be granted. So again, she waits. The fire of her rage so consuming that her breath seems like steam._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When she’s six, Toph meets the badgermoles. Their soft fur brushes against her skin in a comforting embrace, their eyes stare ahead blankly, just like hers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________For once, she is an equal, not the outcast her parents try to shape her into, and every night after she returns from the cave, her mind ignited with limitless possibilities, the servants greet her. The house staffs’ cold fingers brush through her beautiful hair, paint on her delicate face, dress her in the finest silks, and with each touch she feels the hot burn inside her dim more and more until the only thing left is a latent heat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Still she continues, for her passion is not cold, and Toph learns to earthbend from the masters that nobody else sees._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________(The world is blind to them.) ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Days, weeks, months pass and Toph wonders when she’ll be seen; Toph is as blind to the world as the world is to her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________(The world is blind to me.) ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She grows, but her parents don’t, and still they insist so earnestly to keep her guarded. To keep her safe like a dragon protects its hoard with a lingering shame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________As her mother says she loves her, Toph’s mind whispers, _You do not know me. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Nobody knows her, not even her parents. They do not yet know that _she _is the fire that the dragon breathes.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________By the time she is nine, Toph finally manages to find a place where she belongs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________She had walked across the streets in confusion, feeling the vibrations of a cheering crowd trembling under the earth. She had found Earth Rumble VI, and she’d stayed hidden in the dense throng, a wide smile gracing her features as the people roared with approval once again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Toph had decided to push forward and watched- _Dad, I can still see! _\- The Boulder pummel his opponent with large movements and loud yells. She felt his heartbeat speed up in exhilaration and _wanted _it._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Toph comes home covered in bruises for the next two years. She laughs quietly to herself each day, alone as she is, remembering the progress she’s made. She remembers the silent disbelief ringing through the crowd as a blind girl takes the stage; she can still feel the pats on her back from the more encouraging earthbenders who are surprised she lasts as long as she does._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________And every time her parents shove her away like a stray, lock her up as if she is a broken gift, Toph relives the night before. Relives the way she freezes others in shock, the way she gracefully rises to her feet when she is thrown against a wall, as fluid as water._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Toph learns with every battle and every mistake until she’s able to adapt herself to whoever she fights. Learns to search for weaknesses through footing that is more often heavy and slow, than not. Toph refines her movements in seconds, and like liquid she slips through the men’s grasps, pushing them back, drowning them. She feels their feet move and uses their surefootedness against them, predicting their next step before it lands. Her ears, so small still, ring with the cheers of the masses, and Toph becomes so accustomed to the adrenaline of it all that by the time she is first crowned champion at age eleven, she doesn’t feel a rush of happiness, and only feels assured, swimming in her victories. She becomes the Blind Bandit, _is _the Blind Bandit, and soon enough Toph realizes it’s her persona at home that is fake, not her stage self. And somewhere in the back of her mind she laughs sardonically at the irony of it all.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Then she sneaks home, the remnants of a smug smirk on her face covering up her disappointment. _(Did they notice I was gone?) _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________In the mornings her servants fret over her- no, her weakness, and she resists the urge to throw at them the taunts unsaid from last night’s performance and instead smiles to herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________I am not weak _, she tells herself, and she knows it to be true. Knows she has the power of a tsunami locked inside her curled fists. Knows that at any moment she could bring the adults smothering her crashing to their knees.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________The Avatar and his friends track her down, and Toph feels an unbridled rage build up in her, reminiscing about his win over her. She’s not stupid- if he needs a teacher, he can’t earthbend. She was beaten with air. But still her toes clench with an icy fury, and she glares at the boy sitting across from her. _I am not weak _, she tells herself, and for the first time in years she wonders if it’s true.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Toph stands in front of her parents, mind racing, heart pounding. Waiting for freedom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________“From now on you’ll be cared for and guarded twenty-four hours a day,” her father exclaims, and Toph feels her hope rain down from her heart to her stomach, dreams washed away. Tears fill her eyes as the Avatar and his companions leave, and she closes her eyes, not wanting to see their departure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________But she’s standing, feet firm on the smooth, hard floor, and she sees it anyway._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Toph runs away later that night, running faster than she ever has, sprinting to make it in time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________“My dad changed his mind,” she starts, and Toph aches since she knows it will never be true._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________She gets on the flying animal, trying not to panic- _I can’t see! _\- and listens to the brother and sister bicker lightly with each other while the Avatar- _Aang _\- interjects with harmless quips. Toph leans back against the side of the enormous saddle and thinks about how much she might have to change herself to fit in with them before realizing that the group hadn’t coddled her once. Like water, she’ll have to mold herself into the boundaries they have created, but she’ll still be there, her own person._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________The barely controlled fire in her dims, doused by the cool relief of water, and Toph smirks triumphantly because she has found _it _now, and there is no going back.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________As the weeks pass, Toph learns to love, to care, to protect, to give and take equally. She feels like a balloon, filled with air, buoyant across the suffocating surface of weakness and loneliness that she refuses to give into._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________(I am important.) ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________Toph still lies awake in her stone tent at night, breathing in the crisp, outdoors air, delighting in the feeling of being needed. She thinks back to the time she left, then returned, choking on regret. She recalls how her friends' heartbeats sped up at the sight of her, joy lifting their voices. If she thinks hard enough, Toph can still hear their laughter scattered in the wind, can hear their unending compliments of her abilities, can hear their relentless teasing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________As she feels the others’ heart rates even out, Toph rolls over onto her side, her cheeks burning with pleasure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________Zuko joins the team after they defeat Combustion Man, and Toph does her best to make him feel welcome. After a while, his speeding heart begins to slow when she approaches, and Toph feels strangely proud of the boy she’s still getting to know._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________More weeks pass, Aang learns to firebend, and Zuko begins to talk to Toph on his own- awkward words, but words nonetheless. And even though she’s still bitter over not getting a field trip with him, Toph punches him softer than the other, the nickname “Sparky” spilling out of her lips as relaxed as an exhale. Zuko pretends to be indifferent, but Toph detects the lilt of a smile in his voice every time he responds._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________As for Katara, she slowly, decisively, restrains her mothering behavior, and Toph can’t help but wonder why her parents couldn’t do the same. Wonders how it’s possible that the ragtag group of child heroes she’s part of became her family, when her parents didn’t even try._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________As Sozin’s comet nears, Toph becomes the most steady, level-headed person on the team. She supports everyone the way the earth supports her weight. Once in a while, she cracks a little while training Aang, annoyance overtaking her until she calms, again becoming the soft dirt he needs to thrive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________Zuko continues to look down on himself, and Toph punches him, hard, during the intermission of The Boy in the Iceberg._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________She says, “It’s how I show affection,” and hopes he understands her tough love, understands that she doesn’t _know _how to hug or cuddle in most situations. _(I was never taught how.) _But her worrying is in vain, and her friend chuckles out a breathless “thanks”, making Toph grin unabashedly._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________(Don’t let go.) ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________The mantra repeats in her head, but Sokka’s grip tightens with every passing second, and Toph cries out in scared frustration._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________(If I fall, so will he.) ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________This is a fact._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________They start to slip, but Sokka _hangs on _, his nails digging harshly into her skin.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________I will die for you _, she hears, and the unsaid words are whispered through his touch. Toph wishes she could switch positions with him, so then she could bend the metal ship and bring them both to their feet.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________Drop me _, she wants to say, but the words get stuck in her throat, and tears slip down her cheeks because _she doesn’t want to die alone. ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________Toph feels selfish, feels scared for herself, for Sokka, for the world, and finally their bodies drop, the hot air scorching their skin. Far to soon impact comes- _I’m not dead _\- and Sokka yells in pain, clutching his knee- _He’s not dead! _\- and Toph helps him up. They run and run and run, and Toph wonders when exactly people decided they would die for her._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________Toph wonders when she decided she would die for them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________~%~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________After the war, Toph is always there for her friends. Like the earth, she is dependable and always there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________She is the greatest earthbender of her time, and the entire world knows, even her parents. _Especially them. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________A few months after Zuko’s coronation, there is a festival in the Fire nation, and Toph walks into the palace with the confidence of a king. She walks in like she owns the place, knowing Zuko won’t mind, but she feels some of the nobles gazing at her uncomfortably._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________________(I am the fire the dragon breathes.) ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________She lengthens her strides. A man walks up to her, and Toph can feel his heart hammering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________“Miss Toph Beifong?” he asks nervously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________“That’s me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________The man- a reporter- questions her rapidly about her journey with the Avatar and Firelord, ending the interview by praising her metalbending._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________Toph had never felt more like the earth than in that moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________________I am solid _, she told herself. _(I exist.) ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
